I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize