I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
