he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
