i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
