This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
