What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize