wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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