Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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