Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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