I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
