Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
