this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
