East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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