I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
