hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
