Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
