Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
