girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
