i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
