Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
