Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

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(804): View more from Virginia

he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.

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(904): View more from Florida

he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?

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(804): View more from Virginia

How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?

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(817): View more from Texas

My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.

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