saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
