:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
