I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
two words...techno handjob
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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