you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
