He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
