A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize