he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
