when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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