Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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