I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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