i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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