he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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