I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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