i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have peed in a lot of sinks
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
