Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
