you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
