12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
