I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
