The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
