i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize