I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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