ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
