so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
