mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
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