This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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