Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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