Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
