we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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