have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
