it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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