someone get that fucking seahorse.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
