Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
