remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need a beard to bite.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
