there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
