I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
