Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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