I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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