its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
