Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
