Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
