I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
