I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
