The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
