Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
