Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ttyl tear gas
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
