In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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