The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
