Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
