He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
